Dear State Senator Steve Smith,
I realize you have a lot on your
plate, and I’m sorry to bother you with this little matter. But you see, it
appears that you have access to some exclusive information that could really
help out some of my friends, so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sharing
some of this insider’s info with us.
I heard your interview on NPR a
couple months ago, and you sure seem to know a lot about how privileged
immigrants are in the United States. More so, in fact, than many immigrants
themselves. See, I have quite a few friends who are immigrants from Mexico and
other countries, and apparently they have never been told about the great
amenities and services available to them!
First things first—could you
please direct my attention to the open
door in the U.S.-Mexico border through which people are able to walk through
with ease and convenience, with or without papers? You see, a lot of folks I
know were unlucky enough to make the cut for the Green Card lottery, and not
patient enough to wait the average 182 years that it takes for a working class
person to get any kind of permit. They couldn’t survive in their hometowns,
thanks to all the U.S. companies that bled them of their wealth, and thanks to
treaties like NAFTA that stack the cards against Mexico’s poor.
So they came here without papers.
Thing is, everyone I know was
foolish enough to risk their lives crossing through the desert! Can you imagine
that? Now apparently there is an open door somewhere in the border, but for
whatever reason, none of my friends have heard of it. Could you help a brother
out and let me know where this door is located? It would really help people
avoid a life-endangering trek.
In addition, you refer to large
groups of immigrants who “don’t want to change” and are forcing Americans to
change and accommodate them instead. Now, my buddy José works 12 hours a day,
busting his ass to earn a little money for his family, and on top of that he’s
been taking night classes to learn English. This is because he lives in a part
of the U.S. where most people speak English, and he doesn’t have access to a
lot of services because of his limited ability with the language. In fact, he
was having trouble ordering at McDonald’s the other day, and somebody behind
him shouted, “It’s America, learn English or go home”.
Evidently, José is not aware that
everybody in this country has secretly gone to the trouble of learning Spanish!
Why have you all been holding out on him for so long? No seas sangrón,
compa.
You also refer to enormous groups
of people who “don’t want to change”. Could you tell my friend Wang Liu that?
He’s been studying hard to take the driver’s test and learn the rules of the
road here in the States. But apparently he doesn’t have to, according to you!
Could you please direct him to the neighborhood where people are allowed to
drive according to China’s laws without getting pulled over? I think it would
really save him some time.
In fact, I’d love to put my
friends in touch with these groups of anti-American immigrants who are taking
from this country without giving anything back. See, my friends have foolishly
been paying more in taxes than any services they can hope to benefit from! They
pay sales tax, gas tax, property tax, rental tax, and the folks who use a false
Social Security number have been paying thousands into our Social Security
system without ever using any of this money! In addition, they’ve been wasting
their time stimulating the U.S. economy by pumping cheap labor into our
companies—the very companies that made a mess out of the job market in their
own countries of origin! Man, are they going to be disappointed when they find
out that they could have avoided pouring all this money into U.S. corporate and
government coffers.
At the very least, you could be a
champ and point them in the direction of the immigrant-friendly gangs that you
referred to. The only gangs my friends have encountered are U.S.-based gangs
made up of mostly U.S. citizens who rob them every now and then. In addition,
some of these immigrants have had the bad luck of running into white
supremacist gangs who beat them up (or worse) because of the way they look.
Could you please shoot off an email to the 800-plus white supremacist
organizations in the U.S. and let them know that “gang warfare” is for people
from other countries? They seem not to have gotten the memo.
Last but not least, I can’t help
but notice that you claim to be a devout Christian. Now this poses a problem
for many of my friends who have come here from Latin America, because most of
them consider themselves devout Christians as well, of both Catholic and
Evangelical Protestant varieties. Evidently, however, there is no room in your
Church for these people who do not share your cultural background. Could you
please recommend a different religion for them to join? Do you know if
Neo-Paganism or Zoroastrianism are still accepting new applicants?
Of course, I hate to ask my
friends to change religions, since many of them are very attached to their
faith in Jesus Christ. But evidently, this is the faith of xenophobia, bigotry
and a U.S.-centric world view. So I’m afraid these folks will just have no
choice. (You know what, on second thought, never mind the last part. Assuming that
this vast apparatus exists that gives preferential treatment to undocumented
immigrants, I’m sure there must be a program out there that helps folks get out
of your church and into something more comfortable.)
Thanks for all your help!
Sincerely,
Confused in California
